THIS IS ME!
21, college student, fitness buff wannabe, yogi, interested in things health/nutrition etc sweeties visiting



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I did something incredibly stupid on Monday night.

I was in a strange, dark mood. While we were cleaning and packing I found some extra peroxetine pills that I didn’t finish last time I was prescribed them.

It was stupid and reckless but I took two in addition to my bupropion, the current anti depressant I’m on.

Well a fee hours later I was VERY tired. Barely functional. I remember this often happened to me when I was prescribed peroxetine. Hours later closer to the evening, we started drinking and the drinks hit me HARD. You’re not supposed to drink alcohol on peroxetine, so I was instantly drunk after 1 tall beer. But I couldn’t stop there of course. I never got to the point where I was stunbling over myself, but I was definitely hysterical and practically tripping balls.

The worst part is, I would do it again. It felt really good and I felt really good about myself. Good thing I only have a few peroxetine left.
I’m not getting better, but I’m not getting worse. I’ve been eating incredibly moderately lately and I’m kinda upset I haven’t felt any significant weight loss, but I’m trying to not allow that thought to drive me towards anything desperate, just to see better results. I’ve come to a healthy conclusion lately that my current weight must be my body’s natural weight. Working out excessively and starvation causes temporary weight loss, and eating too much while being sedentary causes temporary weight gain. When I’m not obsessing over one way or the other, my body is at this weight. What must be it’s natural weight. I complain to by husband that I’m disproportionate. I buy swimsuits XL for bottoms, M on top. He retorts: “you’re only disproportionate compared to society’s disgustingly thin and plain, ideal woman’s body weight. I’d much rather you keep your unique figure and come to terms with it than make drastic, desperate changes.” On another note, I’ve been on Bupropion for quite some time now, and I must say, it has to be working. I can’t remember the last time I was crying alone, in despair, in bed, alone. Something that used to happen regularly. My brain is more offten occupied with positive thoughts than negative ones. I hate to stay on meds, but I’m going to ride with this for a while. Despite the hefty price tag. In all, I’m doing okay. I eat modestly, yoga almost every day of the week, and run or bike every once and a while. And I don’t do it because I “MUST LOOSE WEIGHT” or “CANNOT ALLOW NYSELF TO GAIN” but because I genuinely want to. I want some me time in my head while my shoes hit the pavement or my bike tires bounce along the trail. I do it to spend time with nature or with friends. I’m doing so well. I have so much hope for the future. I can say, for once in my life, I’m proud of myself.

I’m not getting better, but I’m not getting worse. I’ve been eating incredibly moderately lately and I’m kinda upset I haven’t felt any significant weight loss, but I’m trying to not allow that thought to drive me towards anything desperate, just to see better results.

I’ve come to a healthy conclusion lately that my current weight must be my body’s natural weight. Working out excessively and starvation causes temporary weight loss, and eating too much while being sedentary causes temporary weight gain. When I’m not obsessing over one way or the other, my body is at this weight. What must be it’s natural weight.

I complain to by husband that I’m disproportionate. I buy swimsuits XL for bottoms, M on top. He retorts: “you’re only disproportionate compared to society’s disgustingly thin and plain, ideal woman’s body weight. I’d much rather you keep your unique figure and come to terms with it than make drastic, desperate changes.”

On another note,
I’ve been on Bupropion for quite some time now, and I must say, it has to be working. I can’t remember the last time I was crying alone, in despair, in bed, alone. Something that used to happen regularly. My brain is more offten occupied with positive thoughts than negative ones. I hate to stay on meds, but I’m going to ride with this for a while. Despite the hefty price tag.

In all, I’m doing okay.
I eat modestly, yoga almost every day of the week, and run or bike every once and a while. And I don’t do it because I “MUST LOOSE WEIGHT” or “CANNOT ALLOW NYSELF TO GAIN” but because I genuinely want to. I want some me time in my head while my shoes hit the pavement or my bike tires bounce along the trail. I do it to spend time with nature or with friends.

I’m doing so well. I have so much hope for the future. I can say, for once in my life, I’m proud of myself.

funfitnfab: abdominal-swag: this is SO true! i believe it.

funfitnfab:

abdominal-swag:

this is SO true!

i believe it.

365daystolose: healthiie: Neck & Shoulders Hatha Yoga for Neck and Shoulder Health - 57 Min Yoga for Neck and Shoulder Tension and Injuries - 14 Min Feel Good Friday: Yoga for Neck & Shoulders - 14 Min Back to School Shoulder Stretches - Yoga Sequence - 6 Min Yoga for Your Shoulders 10 Minute Workout Routine - 10 Min Beginners’ Yoga for Shoulder Strength with Melissa McLeod - 22 Min Chest: Yoga Workout Beginners Home Chest & Shoulders Exercise Routine How To - 11 Min Yoga for Heart Opening - 10 Min Heart Opening 30 Min Yoga Class - 31 Min Heart Chakra Yoga Sequence - 10 Min Arms: Yoga for Firm and Shapely Arms and Shoulders - 9 Min Arm Yoga Workout - 4 Min Total Body Transformation Yoga: Hips and Arms - 11 Min Yoga For Arm Strength: Part One (8Min) & Part Two (2 Min) Yoga For Guitar Players — Arms, Wrists, and Fingers - 8 Min Back: Yoga for Back Strength - 7 Min Yin Yoga for the Spine - 60 Min Restorative Yoga For Back - Restoraflow - 40 Min Yoga for Back Care - 15 Min Yoga Workout | Low Back Pain Stretches Routine - 10 Min Yoga for your back - 19 Min Lower Back Relief - 17 Min Abs: Yoga 4 Abs with Gillian B & Sebastian - 10 Min Yoga for Abs and Core Strength - 8 Min Yoga Abs Workout - 10 Min Iron Yoga Abs & Closing Stretches - 15 Min (Note: Includes weights. If you dont have weights, use a can from the pantry or something similar.) Yoga to Build Strong Abs - 7 Min Hips: Hip Opening Yoga - 45 Min Yoga Flow Hip Openers - 14 Min Wall Yoga for Hips and Hamstrings - 12 Min Yoga for Hip Pain and Stiffness - 17 Min Butt, Hips & Thighs Warm up - 7 Min Yoga Mania: Move those hips! - 12 Min Office Yoga: Hip Release - 10 Min Yoga for your Butt - 6 Min Yoga Tone your Butt and Thighs - 4 Min Legs: Denise Austin: Yoga Legs Workout - 10 Min Gentle Yoga for Tight Legs and Hips - 20 Min Yoga for Sexy Legs - 6 Min Sleek Yoga Legs - 4 Min Full Body/Full Classes: Jillian Michaels: Yoga Meltdown Level 1 - 35 Min Weight Loss & Fatburning Yoga Workout - 20 Min Yoga for Weight Loss - 20 Min Yoga for Runners - 26 Min Foundations in Flow Yoga Class with Fiji McAlpine - 48 Min Connections to Core Power Yoga Class with Fiji McAlpine - 57 Min Energizing Sunrise Practice - 38 Min Power Yoga with Bryan Jones - 31 Min Yoga Class with Logynn Northrhip  - 60 Min Yoga Basics to Improve Alignment - 62 Min Yoga for Beginners Two with Dr. Melissa West - 60 Min Intermediate/Beginner: Lunch Time Yoga Class - 45 Min Enjoy :) Handy!! BOOYA.

365daystolose:

healthiie:

Neck & Shoulders

Chest:

Arms:

Back:

Abs:

Hips:

Legs:

Full Body/Full Classes:

Enjoy :)

Handy!!

BOOYA.

I’m worse

and worse and worse and so much worse.

It’s not even about obsessing about being thinner, it’s that I’m not taking care of myself anymore, I’m not acting remotely healthy.

*whine*
ITS FINALS AND SHIT AND LIFE SUCKS

SO IM NOT FUCKING LOSING WEIGHT, OKAY!??!??

:(

I’m sure I’ll punish myself all May…. at least I hope I do.
Started counting calories again yesterday

I wonder if my goal is really supposed to be 1200 a day? That’s what myfitnesspal calculated… but I know other websites/people have different opinions on it.

Anyway I went about 400 over yesterday (about 1600 total). Which isn’t BAD per say, but definitely not what I’m supposed to be doing if I want to lose weight.

Is it bad that I was so angry yesterday that I could have thrown up, and I wanted to? I guess the good thing is that I didn’t. Do you ever get so angry you need to puke? I’ve done it a few times. Life stresses me out a lot.
This might just be the only thing getting me through the last few hellish weeks of my undergrad….

This might just be the only thing getting me through the last few hellish weeks of my undergrad….

happy pills

I got my bupropion prescription bumped up from 150mg to 300mg and wow has it been different.

I’m much more energetic, and definitely more often in a good/positive mood.

I don’t like what this means, though. I’ve always wanted to create my own happiness, I never ever wanted to believe in pills, nor depend on them. Is this something that I can eventually stop taking? Or do you think I’ll have to take it the rest of my life?

I honestly feel better than ever. But like I said…. I don’t know how to feel about it.
I have work to do…..

I have work to do…..


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